From the very first moment Tata announced her relationship with Thailand's tennis ace Paradorn Srichaphan at a press conference on Monday, the pop idol has been the target of criticism from all quarters. Some accuse her of using her relationship with Paradorn to market her new release, while others, including Paradorn's mum Ubol, say her behaviour is not in keeping with good Thai traditions.
Hand on my heart, I'd give Tata two thumbs up if the first accusation turns out to be true. If she just wanted to generate some quick publicity, she has succeeded, and in a society where wife beaters get sympathy left and right, what's so wrong with that? It worked for J-Lo and Ben, didn't it? And she'd certainly have saved some cash that would have gone to an expensive PR firm - she's all over the front pages without any help from a marketing guru.
But it's a completely different issue if her feelings towards Paradorn are real.
If so, she's attacked for being "un-Thai".
So what is Thai anyway? I don't dare analyse "Thai values" in this space - might get the Tata treatment myself. But I believe it is too early to jump to the conclusion that Tata, by being open about her relationship, is chronically immodest about her sexuality . . . "un-Thai", in other words. It may have been rash and naive to tell the public the juicy details, and she may have underestimated the reaction of what's become the "Hate Tata" club. But admit it, everyone has that day. The day when you look mature but you act childish, the day when people think you are smart but you do stupid things. Unsurprisingly, it's often the day you fall in love and you just feel so good about it that you want to boast about your boyfriend or girlfriend. You'd love to have the whole world celebrate the moment with you.
At 22, Tata should have passed the period of puppy love emotions, but love has a way of undermining all our hard-earned maturity. Let's recall our own behaviour and loves when we were in our early 20s. I'm guessing we can all remember many instances when we did things not much less embarrassing than Tata's boasting. The only difference is that our behaviour is not broadcast and published in the media. And none of us were dating a bona fide national hero like Paradorn, who has become the "property" of the Thai people in the minds of many. Talk about a jealous rival for your boyfriend's affections!
Yet the depressing part about the Tata controversy is that she finally broke down and apologised for announcing her relationship with Paradorn. She called it "a mistake", but I don't quite follow what the mistake was. Tata stated clearly that the press conference was arranged with the consent of Paradorn. She also downplayed their affection for each other, saying they were far from calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. From a moral standpoint, no matter what Tata said - as long as Paradorn gave his consent - there's no crime. It's not like Paradorn is married, after all. He's fair game for the ladies, despite there being millions of Thais who believe they ought to pick who he dates.
But this is Thailand and women are supposed to be modest. Freedom of expression and a right to privacy exist but women can only exercise them as long as they don't irritate society. Had Tata watched enough prime-time soap operas, she would have understood how Thai ladies are expected to act. A heroine must not in any way show she is in love no matter how much she pines for the hero of the story, or else she has to bury her love deep down in her subconscious where it should lurk until the very end of the story.
Tata said "this man is mine" and she got chopped to pieces, by a society that cheers when a soap heroine is raped by the hero to underline his "love" for her.
One of the many criticisms levelled at Tata is that her relationship with Paradorn has developed too quickly in just three weeks. Whirlwind love affairs tend to raise suspicions that something other than true love is going on. But relationships don't follow mathematical rules. Who can say how long two people have to date before they can agree that they're meant to be together? Well, if we go by those old standbys the soap operas, figure 80 per cent of the total length of the series, often even the very last scene.
And of course, all good Thai women are virgins (up until the rape by the hero, of course). That's not just television talking, either - social order crusader and former interior minister Purachai Piumsoomboon famously said he wanted to bring back the "good old days" when Thai women were modest and valued the importance of their virginity. No wonder so many female celebrities want to keep their romances as secret as possible to avoid looking "un-Thai". Some go to great lengths to hide pregnancies to dodge the "bad girl" label.
We are back to the question of what is Thai and what is not? If being a hypocrite is what it means to be Thai, then being "un-Thai" may emerge as the much better choice. If telling lies to cover up one's mistakes and crimes is the Thai way, then what is the value of being Thai?
When a woman as young as Tata has to go in front of the public and say sorry to society simply because she announced that "I love this man and he loves me, too", it's society that ought to be apologising to her.
Published on Oct 11, 2003
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