Purity campaigns a little one-sided

Among the numerous campaigns relating to today's Valentine's Day celebrations, the most surprising one (in my opinion) is the Public Health Minister's effort to dissuade teenagers from having sex. To be precise, the message is to discourage young ladies from "losing" their virginity on the day they celebrate their love.

Although the public views the campaign as a good step towards protecting our youngsters from all the bad consequences of casual sex, like Aids and unwanted pregnancy, there remains a disturbing question. Why does the government seek to impose its will on an issue that is considered a very private one?

The perception that Thai ladies are looking forward to having sex or "losing" their virginity on Valentine's Day is ridiculous, if not contemptuous. Isn't that too simple? You need two to tango. The government might want to try telling men not to have sex on Valentine's Day just to make life a little easier for women.

The private sector, the Education Ministry and the Family Institution have also taken the opportunity to launch a "Purity Day" crusade called Od Preaw Wai Kin Wan (save the best for last) to persuade Thai people not to have sex before marriage.

A popular Abac poll is also keeping pace with Valentine's momentum by conducting numerous surveys to find out how many female respondents have lost their virginity and how many others are planning to let theirs go.

And the results may shock many parents as 17.3 per cent of respondents say they want to celebrate the day by having sex.

Add to this the idea of imposing a 10pm curfew on teenagers. The government wants young people to stay home and be good, and the surveillance has extended into their bedrooms. They will be watched closely on Valentine's Day as the adults have already decided that they are planning to have sex on that day. Young people may be just as interested in maintaining their virginity, but let them choose instead of forcing them.

Putting pressure on them will only raise the spectre of doing the opposite. Try to recall how you reacted to adult rules and guidance when you were in the prime of your teens. Dealing with youngsters requires much more understanding than the top-down approach allows.

Relationships and sex are natural and private things and they are too complex for any government to teach us how we should handle them. A teen's decision to keep his or her virginity will not be based on public sentiment or government propaganda. As human beings, everyone has the right to decide whether they want to have sex before or after marriage. Some would rather live their lives and die without courting and sex, while others may prefer having relationships and sex without getting married.

If the government expects teens to keep their virginity, does it also expect to tell them what the most "suitable circumstances" and time are for their first sexual experience?

Public Health Minister Sudarat Keyuraphan has an answer. "Keep your virginity as long as you can," she told young people at the famous Centre Point area.

This parental attitude ignores the right of those who have boyfriends or girlfriends and do not want to go through the ritual of marriage, and the right of women to search for Mr Right, where sex is concerned. The government's proclaimed social values will confuse many young minds. How can people who are simply living together justify their relationship and chosen way of life as morally right? .

The increasing popularity of live-in relationships shows young people have a good understanding of sex and relationships. They may be more mature when it comes to sex, responsibility and marriage than the old generations, which comfortably tolerated men having mistresses while at the same time trying to preach about when is the best time to have sex is.

Thai ladies from past to present are taught to be modest and keep their virginity, while Thai men are not taught accordingly. This is one messy and hypocritical society. Most Thai men have many sexual relationships with women before and after their marriage. So who exactly needs to be taught about sex and responsibility?

The issue of when young women should give their virginity to their men is certainly not in the government's hands. Few even reveal the occasion to their parents. The challenge is how to make them understand and manage their sexuality well and in a mature manner. There's no black and white where relationship is concerned. And people make their own choices when it comes to living their lives.

To young ladies: You don't need to let go of your virginity today because there are many days left this year and in the year to come. But if you really want to go for it, I hope he is the right person, and all the best. For the young men: By asking your girlfriend for her virginity, it means there is one less virgin around for other men to choose from in this virginity-obsessed society.

And for the single hearts: Happy Valentine's day anyway. You guys are lucky that you don't need to take any notice of this "virginity" issue.

Published on Feb 14, 2004