Told you it was going to be fun. The World Cup is unpredictable, just like us women.
A week ago, you would have said Germany and Brazil in the final. Earlier that Argentina, Spain, Portugal and England stood a chance. Where were France and Italy then? They vanished from our thoughts until they ended up the only two left in tomorrow's final match.
It is indeed a melodrama filled with smiles, cheers, tears, laughs, joy, controversies and outrage. At the end of all of this, one team will be remembered as the Cup winner, and then only the best player and rising star will be acknowledged. Boring, isn't it? Why doesn't Fifa create more awards in the tradition of the Oscars? Okay, they won't in our lifetime so let's do it here:
Best Obese Player: Ronaldo
He probably makes all fat men proud. At first, many wondered if he would ever score at all. During Brazil's first match he looked like a big man taking a leisurely walk on the green lawn in the penalty area. But he did it. When he shot a great goal from 20 yards into the bottom corner of the net when Brazil played Japan, the press hailed "he's back". Omigod…he can really score!
The big fella carrying 90 kilograms with him now holds two records - as the World Cup's all-time leading scorer, and for the roundest figure ever to score in the tournament.
'Ronaldo' is also a new bit of jargon in football. It simply means a fat man who can score.
Best Fall: Thierry Henry
France owed their success in the final to Henry. He proves that football is not just about moving your legs and following the ball but that exercising a little bit of brain muscle is also helpful. Well, Portugal's Ricardo Carvalho and Ronaldo also went down theatrically but only the French striker did it convincingly enough to win the penalty for the team.
Yes, the contact was minimal as we saw on the replay but what Henry did was what all forwards would do.
Best Weeper: David Beckham
What's wrong with men?
Rio Ferdinand did it and so did Roberto Carlos and Jens Lehmann. Yes men cry a lot these days, especially on the field. It is normally not a pleasant sight for any girl but we love watching it anyway, especially when it comes to the one we really love or hate.
Of all the weeping men, Beckham did it most romantically. Ferdinand cried violently when his team went out of the competition, while Carlos hid the tears under his yellow shirt. Beckham, unlike others, was in tears when the game between England and Portugal was still going on. They were the tears of a player who knew he had played his last game as England's captain and whose personal ambitions remain unfulfilled. He also cried on the bench and not on the field, making him a most outstanding weeper.
The Coolest WAG:
Victoria Beckham may be the most photographed among the WAGS (wives and girlfriends of the England squad) and she was the best prepared too, with a trunk full of clothes and a plan to change into five outfits a day. But as it turned out she ended up wearing those tiny shorts for almost a full day.
But no one is cooler than English midfielder Owen Hargreaves' girlfriend Janelle Khouri, who is a footballer herself. Khouri demonstrates a good sense of "less is more" fashion and makeup without overdoing it. Sorry Posh!
Best Winger…oops…Winker
His wink cost him dearly and Cristiano Ronaldo is the top scapegoat of the tournament. Maradona sighed with relief that the English-press-manufactured-phrase "hand of God" would be just a fading memory now that they have this Portuguese winker.
Yes the feeling of hatred is now spreading in England and beyond its shores. Fans of England loath him for he is accused of plotting to get England sweetheart Wayne Rooney a red card when England played Portugal in the quarter-final.
The wi(ng)ker was spotted talking to the referee moments before the red card came out of his pocket. Then he was spotted winking at the Portugal substitute on the bench as if to signal the mission was accomplished.
Sprinkling salt on the open wound is the fact that Ronaldo is Rooney's team-mate on Manchester United in England's Premier League.
How the fans love to loathe Ronaldo. When France beat Portugal in the semi-final, English tabloids began singing "You're not winking anymore!" in their headlines.
Perhaps only one wink is enough to earn fame.
Best Celebration: Michael Ballack
Ballack shows the perfect way for a man to celebrate - he was very much a "man", it's as simple as that. Perhaps Henry should learn the trick from the German captain.
Best caption: Zizou
The press started the tournament by naming many players "world-class", but in the end Zinedine Zidane demonstrates what one should do to deserve the title as he carried the team on his legs. He gives France wonderful football and proves the critics wrong about France's ageing legs.
Fans remember him not only for his "only-two-step-back" penalty shot that brought France to victory in the semifinal but also for his true friendship.
When France's players were celebrating their victory, Zizou found his way to embrace his club team-mates. We saw him soothe desolated Brazilians and also hug his Real Madrid team-mate Luis Figo after the game. He's got female fans' hearts for that.
Best Referee Award: Graham Poll
English referee Graham Poll made the hat trick by erroneously giving three yellow cards to Croatia's Josip Simunic, who inexplicably remained on the field after getting his second yellow. Yes, that is the reason why fans worldwide call on Fifa to assist referees with high-technology devices.
Poll finally gave himself a red card for international games, an act that Thai politicians may take a lifetime to follow. Whatever he does, he still retains the status of England's top referee to many.
Best looking coach: Marco van Basten
The Dutch coach is the coolest. With his metrosexual look, Basten can leave the stadium and walk straight to a runway. His looks can't help his game however and the Netherlands' clich้ "the best team never wins the cup" remains.
Best-looking Team: Italy
How we miss the super-tight team shirts they used to wear. But wow…from the first round Italy played, we can't deny most of their players could have shown up for Superman Returns casting calls. Yes, when the tournament started, we fancied the Czech Republic, England, Germany and Brazil, while overlooking Italy. But hey…throughout the tournament Italy hasn't conceded a goal except one silly own goal.
It'll be perfect to have the best-looking team holding the Cup. Don't you think so?
Best Friend in need: Oliver Kahn
The two German goalkeepers, Jens Lehmann and Kahn, competed fiercely before the tournament to be in the first team for Germany. They bluffed each other a lot. But it was a memorable moment to see the strong Germans hug each other. Kahn probably won fans' hearts when he came to give moral support at a crucial time just when Lehmann needed it most before he sent Argentina home in the quarter-final shootout. "Jealous" Kahn also proved the critics wrong as he came straight to comfort his team-mate, who took his place when Germany lost 2-0 to Italy in the semi-final match.
Best-looking footballer: Kaka
How can these awards be completed without this title? As I am trying to wrap this up, the newsroom is still busy debating this. And I'm pretty sure the debate will go on and on.
Lucky me, I can grab this chance to give him the title. Kaka has my pick thanks largely to Einstein's theory of relativity. Throughout Brazil's decades-long history of the likes of Pele, Ronaldinho and, yes, the Fat Man, Kaka is the best-looking. Period.
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