The tragic story of the murder and suicide involving a Trium Udom Suksa Pattanakarn student has sparked off a bitter debate across the country about violence among Thai children.
The incident really serves as a wake-up call for the whole society. The message is clear: young people are becoming increasingly violent in their behaviour and thinking. And before anyone can put the blame on young people, they have already voiced their opinions. They are hitting back by blaming society and their own families for the violent behaviour of some of their friends.
If you don't quite understand their statements, just take a look at the findings from a study that is part of Chulalongkorn University's Child Watch Project. Conducted by Amornwich Nakhornthap, the study polled 1,000 children in each of 12 provinces (no sampling representation in Bangkok) before coming up with the following interesting conclusions:
l About 10 per cent of teenagers are addicted to computer games. Some 25 per cent of them play computer games regularly.
l Some 45 per cent of Thai children have never given food to monks. And some 65 per cent have never listened to a religious sermon.
l About 40 per cent have not gone out with their parents or sisters and brothers in a month. They are left to face the world by themselves.
l There are about 220 places of sin (brothels or night clubs) in each province on average. On the contrary, there are only 26 public parks and playgrounds. Lampang has the least of all: only seven public parks for the young people to spend their leisure time.
The conclusion? The study shows that young people are physically surrounded by places of vice more than places of morality. A teenage forum held recently at Chulalongkorn University brands Thailand now as a "sick and violent" society.
Nowadays, our young children tend to live their lives in a violent world without parental guidance. Verbal abuse from their parents and other forms of domestic violence have also combined to create a sense of insecurity, leading to violent behaviour.
On the psychological side, the children are either raised protectively or negligently. By now, we realise that the two extremes bring about the same tragic results. The fact is nothing new: we have been told that a spoiled child is never happy. It's a universal truth but somehow the parents tend to forget this truth.
Teen psychologist Dr Prasert Palittapolkarnpim has a very good point. He observes that parents neglect children not only because of economic factors. Parents of all socio-economic levels share the same behaviour: they are striving for a higher standard of living. At the same time, they have become "low-quality" parents and have little time to pay attention to their children.
Supawadee Hanmethi, publisher of a wide range of family magazines including Life &Family, has been advocating the strengthening of family ties for years. The mother of two sons, Supawadee repeatedly writes that family members must be close to each other and every family should create an atmosphere of open discussion that allows children an equal chance to voice their opinions.
She also points that "children with good grades are not always good children". By now, enough examples show that not every good student is a successful or happy child. Recall the case of a top student at Thammasat University who jumped from a building just because she got a B in one subject, destroying her chance to get a gold medal.
Too much love can prompt parents to pressure their children for academic success which, in turn, can kill them. At a forum of young people at Satri Witthaya School, student Wimwipa Pumee noted that "parents are cruel for they always tell us that our destiny is to secure a seat in a prestigious university."
That's why Supawadee warns parents: "Never ask a child, 'Did you get a good grade?'" Smart parents should not narrowly define a child's success by only academic reports.
Parents tend to think that a good academic record shows their success in child raising. But many people no longer agree with that idea. The education system forces students to compete fiercely, producing selfish children who aim at nothing but climbing to upper status in grades. No need to mention what kind of adults they will become when they enter the workplace.
There is a saying that "Children are like white cloth. It depends on what the artists will draw or paint on them." The parents are no doubt the artists of this great project of child rearing. Or if the kid were a building, the parents would be the architects. It's time we rethink what kind of design we want for the building.
If we excuse ourselves and insist that we have no time, our building will only become a rotten concrete structure with no character. The parents, not the kids, must take the credit or blame for their creation.
Chanachai Srichaphan showed us that when he put his life into his son, the result was a state-of-the-art work. Paradon may be an exceptional case in Thai society but let that be our inspiration to make every parent realise that their child can be successful in many ways apart from acting like a robot to produce good grades.
If we can't do anything about our education system (is education reform still on track?), all parents can start by giving time to their children, staying close to them, and give them love.
Perhaps that is the simplest solution and the good thing about it is that you don't need to pay for it. It's God-given. Don't let evil take it away.
Published on Jun 21, 2003
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